Recurrent insomnia. I’m awake again at 4am, wide awake yet not wanting to be this alert, forcing me to think and process all the dark thoughts going round and round my head. Remembering the shock on my daughter Alethea’s face when she saw me at my most broken. The look of fear on Alaila’s face when she barely recognised her skeletal mother. Children too young to understand, wanting to protect them, not feeling strong enough to give anything back. I am numb. My smiles are forced. I don’t feel like writing or doing yoga. Both are too painful. All around me I see people caught up in meaningless chat on Twitter, posting endless selfies on Facebook and raving about the latest food fad. Once a social media whore, the curiosity for news – good or bad – has simply evaporated. Signing off.
15th March 2005 HOI AN Staying at Ancient House Resort on Cua Dia, a small boutique hotel with spacious, immaculate and stylish rooms. Can imagine that this would be a good place for honeymooners, as the service is discreet and the gardens and pool are beautiful. Got an upgrade on the second day to a room with a balcony so I can now sit outside and write, which is a marked improvement. I get free bike rental here so I’ve been out exploring. Riding a bike after so long and in Asia was a thrilling experience. Make me think how much quicker I could get about and see so much more. Today I cycled off the beaten track for a good 2 hours until I came to a boatyard where I pulled up for a refreshing drink. Don’t think these people see many white faces round here. I was drinking alone then suddenly there were about 15 faces staring at me. Curiosity got the better of one old man who hopped on his moped and escorted me down the road! I noticed that even this far out, huge speakers blast out propa...
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